God’s covenant with Israel, as seen thru Seventh-day Adventist eyes
This shows what we SDAs normally think of God’s covenant with Israel, and what it means to us today.
And God gave the 10 Commandments. Then he said to treat the slaves well (of course we are more evolved today and the idea of having slaves is repulsive anyway), don’t take usury from a neighbor (unless you put your money in a bank, in which case you don’t know what they do with your money, so don’t worry about it), don’t have sex with animals (obvious), don’t take or give bribes (unless it is like in calling a SDA institution by the name of someone who gives it a lot of money), do lots of stuff with blood and guts of animals (glad that era is over), keep the feasts (until Jesus comes and does them so we don’t have to), eat only clean meat (we’ve evolved past that too to such a high plane that we don’t eat any meat anymore – smug smug wink wink), you must purify a woman after childbirth (whaaaa?), you must wear blue tassels on your clothes (who’s heard of that?), if you have some body issue, you are unclean (just wash it off), don’t have sex with your relatives (that’s gross anyway), you must rebuke your Brother if you see him sin (we are kinder than that and believe in “do not judge”), don’t sow two kinds of seed in your fields (who farms anymore anyway?), don’t round the corners of your beards (what on earth?), don’t eat the fruit of your trees until the 5th year (what a waste), you shall reverence my sanctuary (what’s the big deal? we like to have christmas parties and bazaars and even dramas and movies in it), you shall not give any of your children to Molech (but we have more compassion than you do God, because we believe that if it is a hard thing for the mother to bear her child, it is OK for her to kill it), if your children curse their parents, put them to death (tsk tsk, God, you are soooo intolerant. just let them feel their oats for a while. they’ll come around), you shall kill the homosexuals and sorcerers (but we are so far more evolved than you are God, we just LOVE them), you must keep 7 feasts (you did that Lord so i don’t have to, besides, it would be a real hassle, plus we don’t even know how to calculate the feast days or know what to do on them. wasn’t that just a jewish thing anyway?), you shall let the land rest every 7th year (not really practical in today’s world is it God?), you shall let everything go back to its original owner in the year of jubilee (then how could we live in this world?), if your Brother becomes poor, let him live with you (what! and have some stranger staying in my house!?), and remember to pay a tithe (yes Lord, this is very, very important, and we will promise to enforce this one to the letter).
And God said: Do you promise to do all my commandments and statutes and judgments and enter into a covenant with me and receive my blessings? And all the 21st century Seventh-day Adventists said: God, there are some really good ideas here, some that could be hashed out and improved on in a committee, but some of them are really just inappropriate today, and quite a few of them are so unloving and intolerant, that we really would rather just pass. Thanks anyway. But we’ll be sure to keep most of the 10 commandments, and stay away from the more objectionable sexual perversions, try to eat clean food, and of course pay the tithe. The rest tho is just too much bother. Surely we’ll get the majority of your blessing anyway for keeping some of these things, and we are really too busy to worry much about losing the little blessings from some of the more obscure things. The whole covenant thing sounds kind of old-fashioned. We just want to love you Jesus, but all this other stuff is a bit much, don’t you think? Hope to see you come on the cloud someday and take us to heaven 🙂